Making mistakes is a fundamental part of human development. 

Many of us were taught that if we followed the rules we could avoid the pain and frustration of making mistakes. And while it is true that leaning on the wisdom of others and making wise decisions can prevent suffering, none of us are exempt from the mistake-making process.

Because making mistakes isn’t an aberration from the plan, it is a process that is foundational to it. Mistakes, by design, are how we learn. 

As with all growth, mistake-making is an uncomfortable process. When our choices result in pain and suffering for ourselves or others, we can use the experience to learn and increase our wisdom or we can stay stuck in unproductive regret or simmering resentment. 

In this powerful discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife teases out the difference between regret, resentment, and remorse and offers clarity on what these unpleasant emotions can teach us about ourselves and the way we are showing up in our lives and relationships.

You can watch the recording of conversation HERE.

You can learn more about Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife's couples' coaching podcast, HERE. 

**Learn more about Dr. Jennifer's How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex Course HERE**

When we need the validation of our spouse, we severely limit our ability to be collaborative partners and parents.

Growth and collaboration require a willingness to set our egos aside enough to consider differing perspectives and uncomfortable truths about ourselves. When our ego runs the show, we care more about proving we are right than working together to find a shared solution. 

In this NEW conversation with Crystal of The Parenting Coach Podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how we can create healthier, more collaborative partnerships even when our partner is not invested in creating positive change.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Resentment and what it can teach us
* The power of gratitude

* Navigating disagreements with wisdom and maturity 

*The problem with validation seeking
* Improving relationships unilaterally
* How to talk to children about sexuality / pornography

You can learn more about Crystal HERE. 

**Get Your FREE Ticket to the Raising a Happy, Healthy Teen Digital Summit HERE**

TJ and Ashley’s story is a familiar one for many. 

Their marriage started out happily enough. They were young college students and enjoyed each other a lot during their first few years together. But things changed when TJ started graduate school during an economic downturn. TJ felt a tremendous amount of anxiety about his financial future, given the dim prospects for most students at the time. Competition was fierce and in TJ’s determination to ensure his family’s economic stability, he dedicated himself to his studies, leaving little time or emotional bandwidth for anything else, including Ashley.

This period of limited connection was difficult for Ashley, and it persisted long after graduate school and into TJ’s high-demand career. While disappointed at first, eventually Ashley shifted her focus away from the marriage and created a comfortable, happy, and fulfilling life as a friend and mother. 

To the outsider, TJ and Ashley’s relationship may look idyllic–TJ excelling professionally, Ashley busily involved with friends and her community, both invested and caring parents– but their marriage is much more brittle than meets the eye. Resentment and hostility have been simmering under the surface for more than a decade with TJ feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged for the sacrifices he has made to provide for his family and Ashley feeling neglected and unnoticed (except when TJ is wanting sexual attention).

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps the couple think through the long term trajectory of their marriage and how they are undermining their current and future happiness by functioning in such a non-collaborative way. She helps Ashley see the rejection that permeates her interactions with TJ and teaches that the path forward is to stop walling and avoiding and to start looking honestly at herself, her real desires for the relationship, and her role in the lack of intimacy in the marriage.

Be sure to subscribe to Room for Two TODAY to listen to the full episode! 

**JOIN US IN AUSTIN for the Art of Desire Workshop!**

The process of developing our psychological muscles isn’t all that different from the process of developing our physical muscles.

Both are difficult.

Both involve discomfort.

Both require time, persistence, and patience.

And both are easiest when we have a motivation that propels us through the discomfort.

Fear, self-hatred, and compliance with external expectations are poor motivators. Living according to our higher selves and striving to embody what we value are much stronger motivators! 

Our ability to grow, develop, and live in line with our higher selves hinges upon our willingness to look truthfully at ourselves and our circumstances, and make choices from a deeper internal authority.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Amber Brueseke of Biceps After Babies Radio to discuss the important role that self-honesty and self-definition play in our relationship to our bodies as well as in our emotional, spiritual, and relational development. 

**JOIN US for the Art of Desire Workshop in Austin, TX! Click HERE for more information!**

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes questions from her audience about desire dynamics and the unique challenges faced by both the higher-desire spouse and the lower-desire spouse. In the discussion Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how couples can work together to create a more collaborative dynamic and what to do if only one spouse is interested in addressing the desire discrepancy.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Difficult Conversations
* Dealing with Disappointment
* Accommodation vs Choosing
* Power Struggles in Marriage

* The Pursuer / Distancer dynamic
* Addressing conflict with honesty and compassion

If you would like to learn more about this topic, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course!

It has been said that our brains are our most important sexual organs and, it's true--the meanings that are playing out in our minds either consciously or under the surface have a big impact on our sexual experiences.

Meanings that expand our sense of self and make us feel alive (like freedom and choice) increase our desire, while meanings that constrict us (like obligation and shame) shut down our desire and kill any chance of us having a passionate, fulfilling experience.

Recently, I joined Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why Podcast to discuss the meanings that keep many of us from fully experiencing the joy of our sexuality and what we can do to shift these common, but problematic meaning frames and create something better.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Reconciling spirituality and sexuality
* The importance of freedom and choice
* Problematic meaning frames
* The art of surrender / receiving

For a deeper dive on working through problematic meanings around sexuality, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course!

Choosing to love with your whole heart means accepting the risk of disappointment, loss, and grief. 

These difficult realities come in many forms throughout a lifetime—unmet expectations, unfulfilled hopes and dreams, shifts in belief, broken promises, illness, and ultimately, death. 

Facing acute loss is a harrowing and sobering experience, in part because it wakes us up to just how little control we have over our circumstances. But being compassionate towards ourselves in the process and finding the courage to keep moving forward, even when the path is riddled with uncertainty and vulnerability, is a beautiful form of faith. When we take the disappointment and loss that life hands us and use our difficult experiences to become kinder, more compassionate people, we increase our ability to deeply cherish the good around us, and we increase our capacity for joy. 

This NEW episode is the audio from a Q&A session that Dr. Finlayson-Fife hosted on the topic of loss and grief. During the conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife took questions about all different types of losses including miscarriage, death, broken promises, and frustrated expectations.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Intimacy after loss

* Mixed-faith marriages 

* Intimacy after miscarriage 

* Finding the courage to reinvest in life after loss

You can watch the full recording of this Q&A session HERE.

You can learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's new mini-courses HERE.  

We have a cultural stereotype about masculinity that can often make us blind to the challenges and self-doubt that many men grapple with in regards to their sexuality.

While men and women may express their anxieties about sexuality differently, the truth is that men have just as difficult of a time coming to peace with their sexuality as women do. 

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why Podcast for a discussion on masculinity and how our cultural messaging has impacted men’s ability to accept themselves as sexual beings. 

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Sexual shame

* Performance anxiety 

* Desire discrepancies 

* Masturbation and Pornography

* Erectile dysfunction

* Being tolerated vs. being received sexually

* Creating more intimate relationships

If you found this episode helpful and want to learn more, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Art of Loving course for men! 

Conflict is a natural outgrowth of two people trying to forge a life together and it presents a remarkable opportunity for growth if we allow it.

When we disagree with our spouse, we often go to behaviors that lead to hurt and frustration rather than making a concerted effort to engage often counter-intuitive, but more productive and collaborative responses.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins relationship coach Anne Nelson to discuss how relationships can grow and flourish, even in the face of conflict and difference.

Listen to the episode to learn more about:

* The losing strategies we instinctively use in our relationships
* The growth opportunity provided through conflict in marriage
* How to handle differences with greater maturity and wisdom

This interview is also available on our YouTube channel HERE.

Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Strengthening Your Relationship teaches strategies for growing into deeper integrity, deeper honesty, and deeper courage in your life and relationship. The principles in the course will help you address conflict more constructively and show you how to create a marriage where two people can thrive both together and independently. You can learn more about this marriage-revolutionizing course HERE.

**Join us for the Strengthening Your Relationship WEBINAR! Class starts on Friday, click HERE for your ticket!**

Feeling united in marriage is a big deal, and when your worldview has too little overlap with your spouse’s, it can create a sense of loneliness and even despair.

The temptation in this scenario is to try to convince your spouse to see things the “right” way (i.e. your way!). But, when we do this, we set ourselves up for a lifelong power struggle and a relationship unlikely to find common ground.  

On the other hand, earnestly seeking to understand your spouse’s point of view–how they see the world and why it makes sense to them–is an essential practice. Rather than demand validation of your own beliefs, seeking first to genuinely understand is a powerful skill.  It opens both partners up to deeper understanding of each other and even if there isn’t “agreement” there is at a minimum more ability to work more collaboratively with differing views. 

I recently joined Elisa Fucci of the Elisa Fucci Show to discuss how couples can navigate their differences with wisdom and maturity, and how doing so can lead to not only finding common ground in a mixed-faith marriage, but finding higher ground.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Creating a collaborative marriage

* Losing strategies and how they keep us stuck in frustrating dynamics

* The gift of dual perspectives

* Staying connected during disagreements

* Parenting in a mixed-faith family

🌲**Don't Miss Our CHRISTMAS SALE--Save 20% (OR MORE) on ALL of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's full-length online courses!**🌲

Several weeks ago, Dr. Finlayson-Fife invited Thomas McConkie to join her and Room for Two annual subscribers for an interactive discussion about embodiment, vulnerability, and the power of mindfulness. This week, we are publishing the recording of this rich and meaningful conversation for ALL to enjoy. 

Thomas McConkie is an author, developmental researcher, and mindfulness teacher. He is the founder of the Lower Lights School of Wisdom, a supportive and vibrant community focused on adult development and healing divisions through bridging religious/secular divides. Thomas has a passion for the world's Wisdom traditions, was raised as a Latter-day Saint, and has a deep Christian faith infused with nearly 25 years of Buddhist practice. 

Thomas's newly released book, At-ONE-Ment, offers a beautiful exploration of ancient and modern approaches to awakening the mind, purifying the heart, and healing the body. You can learn more about Thomas and his work by clicking HERE.

If you would like to take part in future live discussions like this one, subscribe to Room for Two today!